Time...

I need to write this to see it.

April 26th of 2007, I had my first grand maul seizure and May 3rd, 2007 , I had brain surgery. till November 2008 last grand maul seizure - which required admittance in Neurological Intensive Care Unit for several days.

Either way we examine this timeline, I find myself still in infancy of my recovery.

I have recovered very, very much in a somewhat narrow length of time.

I am very, very proud of myself. :)

Woo-hoo! It's nearly been two years!

Inherent advantage of brain trauma to the left hemisphere

My brain switches from left side thinking to the protective state provided by the right side when I am vulnerable – tired, stressed, unable to control light or sound or heat. Sometimes the switch is preceded by a gripping pain in the left sphere. Can these two cerebral hemispheres learn how to work unilaterally to lessen these disruptive events? Dare I believe so deeply in something so reasonable?

My awareness of life in the right side is so peaceful.

A healthy interpretation? A good prespective?

Perhaps, I have graduated to the level of acceptance which is a bit squewed.

I am questioning my acceptance of an oncologist providing diagnositic evaluation of a little mass without a work-up done in a routine office visit performed my a qualified physician.

Is it overkill to go straight to the "big dog" for a cancer evaluation without labs and scans that suggest going to that expertise of an oncologist is necessary?

I surprised myself by how comfortable I felt in the oncology office.

For some folks it may feel like a scary place.

For me, it's a place where I receive exceptional care; an environment where I feel a safety blanket wrapped around me.

It isn't scary if you are already beating the odds and hanging around enjoying your time.

It is a place where people are there to help.

I have such a great respect for my care team.

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful facility.

I am lucky too, that the mass is just another fiberous, again.

Does anyone else question how comfortable they feel in a world that scares others?

Is the source of this faith, acceptance or denial, a combination of all or something else -- insanity perhaps?

Can I have a gold star for being a patient with a good, healthy perspective?

No windows, no doors, no holes in the walls

No windows, doors or holes in the walls - no problem.

Staying the same isn't an option when everything changed.

Time to try climbing up. Hopefully, I will not need any repelling gear when I get there. I may be stuck and have to climb down again.

Then, I would have to start digging a tunnel.

What did I think normal used to be?

I wonder how much one days worth of my medicine costs. I should calculate that someday.

I wonder what the history of developing one of the pills was...

Honey and Marshmallow Fluff

Via LEMON-AIDE Squeezing the most out of life with chronic illnesses, entry
“Fluff Between the Ears”-CFS/FMS and related conditions I found the following poem:

A Hum or Two
by, Kerry Ryan-Kuhn

Pooh Bear has found me
Came knocking at my door,
Under the pretense of craving honey,
But I suspect there is more.

Perhaps he heard that I, too,
Have become of little brain,
And fluff between my ears Is all that remains.
Between spoonfuls of honey He offers me a hum or two,
And tells me that hums and poems “Have to find you.”

And now finding myself A poet left with little brain,
I wonder if in the fluff The poetry remains.
For if poems and hums find Pooh– And Pooh found me,
I might stop pining for my brain, And let the fluff be.

I don't think I can stop pining for more of my brain processes to return. I invest in honey (fun) and "fluff correction" (regaining more functionality) of my brain.

Lots of spoonfuls of honey and "fluff correction" one day at a time, will make my little brain recover. Everything will feel right again soon, I think.

From needing some gum to needing a straw

Last week, I needed some gum; so, this week, I need a straw.

It started with the flu which was complicated by an impression of a "new right mid-lung platelike atelectasis". Over the phone, I heard "platelet at lactose". My rationalization of this condition was "freckled imperfections cause by milk intolerance".

Yes, curiosity about a small area of my lung collapsing got the best of me. The top Google hit says the condition "denotes collapsed areas of the lung that seem to have a linear or horizontal ("platelike" opacities or silhouette signs) appearance. When viewed from the side, they often look like a CD disk or a dinner plate."

I may not like to be late for dinner, but carrying around the plate to assure getting my portion seems to be taking this interest in food way to far!

Now, I know what is causing the hick-up like coughs. Not kewl! So, if you have a a free minute, can you grab a straw, blow away, and puff this misbehaving lung back-up for me, please?

Blowing bubbles with gum in my ear

We all want to have special talents.

After the resection of my brain tumor (invasive/benign), I have a desire to have a talent that would make me the life of a party.

I now have a hole the size of a grape in my head. I want to be able to chew bubble gum, stick it in my ear, and to blow bubbles.

I haven't had much success learning to do this yet! I think it is more likely that I could be the life of a party because I had a million dollars.

Or, could it be that it would be more likely that I am chewing a million dollars worth of gum?